a drop of water

So our small group is just starting to work through Eugene Peterson’s, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society.  I’ve only read the first two chapters so far; but have enjoyed it thoroughly.  The point that stuck with me the most from the first chapter introductory chapter was this:

In going against the stream of the world’s ways there are two biblical designations for people of faith that are extremely useful: disciple and pilgrim. Disciple says we are people who spend our lives apprenticed to our master, Jesus Christ. We are in a growing-learning relationship, always…Pilgrim tells us we are people who spend our lives going someplace, going to God, and whose path for getting there is the way, Jesus Christ.

I believe that keeping these two designations as columns of our identity would be of great help in daily life.  Discipleship speaks of apprenticeship, where a beginner will learn and practice under the guidance and example of a master.  I believe there is an intrinsic human need to learn and practice under the more experienced.  We’ve created schools, cultural traditions, coaches, etc all for the purpose of passing on knowledge, experiences, methods and wisdom to the next generation.  As the givers, we hope to keep future people from making our mistakes and as receivers, we hope to not make the mistakes of the past.  Pilgrims speaks of journeying in a direction with a goal in mind.  I believe this is also an intrinsic human need, to need purpose, a goal to work towards something that has not been obtained yet.

Unfortunately these human needs get twisted because of our tendency to want to shortcut them.  We buy books that promise to equip us in x number of days or we enter programs that promise results in x number of weeks.  We make our pilgrimage all about the goal instead of the journey.  But I guess the premise of this book, is that contrary to what society tells us everyday, discipleship and pilgrimage, what we want to learn and where we want to go often comes with a long obedience in the same direction.

Our half a year break from attending a small group has ended in our attendance of an established coast small group in the graduate student housing at UCSD, consisting of a number of young families and young professionals.  In our prayer groups we’ve been working through some questions aimed at the heart of the Prayers of Examen and the Ignation Prayer.  The three questions that we try to put our weeks into the context of are:

• Describe a point of desolation, where you felt a lack of God’s presence.
• Describe a point of consolation, where you were very aware of God’s presence.
• What do you think God is trying to say to you this?

For me, this has been sobering reminder to acknowledge God’s presence especially at work.  It is easy for me to acknowledge God’s presence while singing on Sunday, but when I’m in my cubicle that is otherwise a drab gray, irradiated by two large Dell LCD’s, God is left outside in my conscious context.  But intentionally looking for God’s presence or lack thereof is much different.  I realized last night that during points of consolation, I am either 1. Seeking God for help or 2. Acknowledging God’s presence or 3. Seeking to know him more, while my points of desolation are only realized in hindsight.  When the time is alotted to consider these points of desolation, I’m able to see God’s direction more clearly.

Meet Shaun. A painter by trade, currently homeless due to totaling his car while under the influence. He said that you just can’t get a painting job here without a car. He grew up in San Diego with his 4 siblings and went to Point Loma High School. His Mom moved back to the midwest when his Father died to be with family. Shaun went with her at first but then came back out to San Diego because of the area. Shaun’s favorite food is seafood, he likes the crustaceans like lobster and crab and clam but really can’t afford it right now on his current income. He says that when opportunity comes he will step into it, but for now he will just ride out this part part in his life.

Meet Pat. A fifty year old who was on the brink of tears as he explained to me how we probably made more people happy today than we could have in a month doing something else and that once he gets back up on his feet, he wants to do the same for other homeless people. He grew up near SDSU and attended Crawford high school. A year ago Pat explained how he would have never thought he would be homeless. He had a good route selling bottled water and was making good money. One night after admittedly drinking a little too much, his girlfriend asked him to go run some errands. When he got back he was arrested. She had called the police and accused him with domestic violence. He’s lost pretty much everything. Pat is hopeful though. He’s finishing up his parole and although still healing from the experience, he feels as if he has a direction and wants to get back into his old life.

Meet Armando and Jeffrey. Armando is a hair dresser by trade and showed noticeable care for his partner, Jeffrey’s well being by saving a water for him. Armando’s parents were in the Korean war, his Dad was a soldier and his Mom was a nurse. Armando talked about the drama that was going in on the park and how stressful it was to be homeless. “People consider their bags like we would our homes,” he explained. “You don’t go into someone’s home and take things. People have been going into each others bags and taking stuff and its creating a lot of drama. It’s stressful because we are homeless and we see families and houses around us at the park and we remember what we used to have. Our desires in our head go into our actions and people take each others stuff.”

Meet Martine. He is a cook by trade, recently working at Pick-Up-Stix. He said he was in the middle of a 1-2 month break. He knows how to make California rolls but doesn’t like the wasabi taste very much. He was very thankful for the food that we brought, but didn’t eat any himself. He invited us to come out to a BBQ at the park a week and a half from now on Saturday. I don’t think he is homeless but he identifies with the homeless and wants to help them as much as he can.

Meet Kevin. Very boisterous and definitely high on something (life, vodka, some kind of smoke). Considered the park his living room and seemed sarcastically angry at people for walking through his living room and disturbing the peace. He explained how no male in his family had lived past the age of 60 and that they had a hereditary partiality to lung cancer regardless of their smoking habits. At age 43, Kevin doesn’t believe he’ll live past 50, despite appearing in his mid 30s. His brother died at 46 from stage 4 lung cancer. Kevin has some work, but it’s not consistent and he spends his money on alcohol and smokes, and takes pride in using and abusing his body. He calmed down a lot after smoking his homemade tobacco cigarette.

This week at the Justice Discussion during the second service at Coast, we played variation of monopoly. Monopoly is based on the principle where everyone begins on an equal playing field, with the similar resources and minimal advantages over opponents. However, in our game we were given new roles. Each player received an envelope containing a social class, lower, working, middle, and upper class. Each class was given a different amount of cash, a different amount of preset property, a different set of rules regarding movement on the board, a different set of rules regarding jail, different pass-go-collect X dollars, and different limitations in what property to buy. For example, the lower class was only allowed to buy property on the first row, while the upper class could buy anything they wanted to. The upper class collected 200 on pass-go and had 4 chances to roll a double or a number greater than 7 to get out of jail, while the lower class collected 85 on pass-go and had 1 chance to roll a double to get out of jail. The lower class was required to move the exact number of spaces on the dice roll, while the other classes had the option of going one forward, or one back, or either from their dice roll.

I was given the lower class envelope. It was definitely frustrating because I really had no opportunity to buy any property, let alone any houses (or hotels). At certain points in the game I forfeited my turn and tried to unsuccessfully bargain to be put into jail because that was the only protection between me and the rent collectors. It was interesting to see the rules being bent (easily) in deals between the upper and middle classes. The lower and working classes tried to bargain, but had very little bargaining power. It was interesting because the upper and middle class players felt sorry for the working and lower classes and showed them small acts of charity, ie, waiving rent once or twice, or letting us forfeit our roll once or twice, but the idea of changing the rules, letting us buy property in the ‘richer’ parts of the board did not even enter their minds. The circumstances were bandaged up, but the system that caused the wounds was not changed. The lower and working class forfeited and tried to bargain all that they have, in this case, their ability to play the game, so that they could survive another turn (day), while the middle and upper classes sacrificed small assets that could easily be replaced tomorrow.

How real is this situation in San Diego, CA? I mean, (as someone mentioned in the debrief after the game on Sunday), that this sounds like 3rd world, but not here, in the US, the land where everyone has access to education and chance to succeed. I did some research in San Diego. According to wikipedia, 14.6% of the population in San Diego (which is 10% of families) live below the poverty line, that is…1 in 6 people. The federal poverty line in 2006 is 20k for a family of 4 and 15k for a family of 3. Unfortunately schools are given resources representative of the communities tax bracket; more well-to-do neighborhoods receive more government money for schools.

So, what is my response? I don’t really have any answers, except to write blog posts. Maybe someday I will have some answers or maybe my blogging will spark some ideas in your mind?

A few weeks ago we studied Acts 3 together. We talked about how Peter and John restored the crippled man’s dignity, by looking directly at him and asking him to look directly back. As I think back about the study, I’ve sort of decided that “Throwing money at the problem won’t work.”

We have this idea that throwing money at something that looks like a problem, could eventually be a problem, or already is a problem. How did this come into a christian world view and somehow supplant prayer and/or actual manpower. We treat money as a spiritual currency, when its prayer and action that should be our spiritual currency. I can for sure say that I am a miser of action and probably a pauper in regards to prayer, both in the negative sense. I am a miser and rarely spend my action and energy on something worthwhile. I am a pauper in that I do not have a storehouse of private prayer to pour out and spend on those around me. Money is easy to give, because we are told, money, mammon, can become an idol / god in our life, so I feel proud of myself when I give it away or spend it on a good cause. In giving money, I can often relinquish my responsibility of it’s result, because I can say that I gave it up. I’m not saying money is not important, but I am saying that it would be more powerful if the money we give is just the tip of the iceberg that is made up of prayer and personal action.